This Tiny Spark

Dec 13

0 Cups of Tea

by Lin

I don’t have a lot of vices, but I do like my caffeine! Coffee has always nauseated me, but I drink a lot of tea. Or… I used to.

All that changed when Maya was born. Actually it wasn’t TOO bad at first. Simon would make me a cup of tea, and I could sit and breastfeed and sip a hot beverage. But as Maya became more aware, she would flail her arms and legs in the direction of my tea. I couldn’t exactly hold a container of scalding hot liquid over her face any longer. So my tea would sit on the table… and go cold. I would still drink it, of course, but it wasn’t as delicious or satisfying.

Simon bought me a fancy mug for Christmas last year that keeps my tea hot ALL DAY… plus it has a lid so I wouldn’t spill it on the baby. The downside is that it is bright orange which we all know is the most attractive colour to infants. Or maybe they are inexplicably drawn to burn risks in the form of sugary Earl Grey. Either way, it became very hard to keep that mug away from Maya. But at least I wasn’t choking back cold tea during her naps anymore.

And then the memory loss set in. Well it’s hard to say if it’s memory loss or brain-overload, but I can’t seem to make myself a good cup of tea anymore. Most often I forget the tea bag is in there, steeping away to lethal tea-potency. I also frequently forget to add sugar, a problem that is much worse when my tea is over-steeped. The other day I forgot my tea was steeping… but I’d also forgotten to add the tea bag to the cup, so I was just letting a mug of hot water slowly go cold on the counter, and not really getting any closer to a tasty drink.

The only time I get a good cup of tea? When Simon makes it for me. Or when I buy a delicious Steeped Tea from the Tim Hortons. I imagine I can get a reliable delicious hot drink… in about 10 years… right around the time I teach Maya to make it for me!

When was the last time you had a hot drink? And how did you manage it?!

Musings Parenting

1 Comment »
Dec 10

Goodbye, Dreamfeed

by Lin

When we did sleep training with Maya about 5 months ago (using The Sleep Easy Solution, in case you’re interested), I added in a dreamfeed to our nightly routine. That’s where you scoop an already asleep baby out of the crib and nurse her, in order to keep her from waking up hungry later in the night. And Maya’s been sleeping 12-13 hour nights without a peep (unless she’s sick or teething, of course), so I’d call it a success!

But now she’s 13.5 months, and she hasn’t seemed very hungry when I go in to nurse her before I go to bed around 11pm. For about a week now, I’ve been reducing the length of the dreamfeed by a minute each night. Last night, she barely nursed for a full minute before popping off and reaching toward her crib. So I think it was the last time!

It will be weird to not have to nurse her during the night. To find her awake and reaching for me. To miss out on those sleepy baby snuggles, her little head floppy on my shoulder as I place her back into her crib. It’s one more step toward her independence, and once again she’s ready for it before I am.

And yes, there will still be many many times that she will need me during the night: teething, nightmares, illness, growing pains… but it’s not the same. At some point you realize you’re holding a child, not a baby.

So Goodbye, Dreamfeed. And thanks for all the snuggles.

Breastfeeding Parenting Sleep

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Dec 6

Connecting with Parents Online

by Lin

I spend a lot of my time online, and I know that many other parents do too. When I’m not asking Dr. Google what’s wrong with my child (haven’t you ever searched for images of butt rash?), I’m chatting with other parents, mostly other moms. LOTS of other moms.

Where do I find all these moms? They are everywhere. Here are some places that I’ve found parents to talk to at all hours of the day or night, just in case you want to find some too!

Twitter

Twitter is my favourite place for all-night mom support. When Maya was very tiny and nursed around the clock, I would chat on Twitter with other moms who were up with their non-sleeping infants. If you’re breastfeeding, look up the #bfcafe hashtag, especially on Thursday nights at 7pm PST when everyone gets together for a Twitter Party. It’s a great chance to get your questions answered by other moms and lactation consultants, and to give support. And for great ’round the clock support, search for the #zombiemoms! Still learning about Twitter? Here is a great tutorial. And if you like to follow hashtags (#), check out TweetDeck)

Facebook

Two great ways to connect with other moms on Facebook are through Buy/Sell/Trade Groups and Meet Up Groups. Have a search on Facebook for your local area and see what’s out there. I took one of our local face-to-face groups to Facebook because it’s a great way to quickly connect with everyone. Since planning ahead with a baby is basically impossible, you are able to send out a note to say “Playdate today at my house, 1pm!” and everyone will get the message right away. The Buy/Sell/Trade groups are also a good way to meet people and get a great deal in the process. Buying or selling your child’s gently used items on Facebook is easy, supports local families, and saves you money.

Due Date Clubs

Some of my best online friends were met in a Due Date Club while I was pregnant with Maya. They were all pregnant too, and due in October 2010. It was great chatting while we waited for our babies (some of the moms already had older kids, so they were a wealth of knowledge), and now we are all parenting 1 year olds! It has been such fun to send little gifts, video chat, and really get to know these amazing women and their families.

Blogs

Yep, there are a LOT of “mommy blogs” out there. I have a bunch linked at the bottom of my site if you want to know which ones I regularly read. I would suggest finding someone that seems similar to you and writes about what interests you. I organize all the blogs I read through Google Reader, which I would really recommend familiarizing yourself with if you want to get into blogs. You can even add my blog to your feed by using the RSS link on the top right of the page!

How do you meet other parents online? Did I miss something?

 

Parenting Technology

1 Comment »
Nov 19

Daddy Doesn’t Babysit

by Lin

That’s right, my husband doesn’t babysit Maya.

Why? Because he can’t babysit his own kid. When Simon cares for Maya he’s parenting her. He’s being a dad and a husband, and doing what dads and husbands do! I don’t worry one bit about leaving Maya with Simon because he can do everything for her that I do (apart from breastfeeding), she adores him, and I get a break for a little while.

 

Simon is not a Male Mommy. He doesn’t do everything the same way I like to, and I think that’s really good for everyone. Maya likes the change of routine, Simon has the confidence to parent in his own way, and I get to let go of the little things that really don’t matter. It’s not unusual for me to find Maya wearing a red onesie with pink pants and green socks (all coated in banana), and Daddy has somehow attached all of her toys together into one giant toy monstrosity. And as a mom, part of me wants to put Maya into clothes that match, clean the banana out of her hair, and untangle that crazy toy ball as soon as I walk in the door. But really none of that matters because the time they spend together, without my meddling, is forming a father-daughter bond that will last a lifetime.

Moms, would you call your time with your children ‘babysitting’? Of course not! So give your partner a bit more credit too. He is capable, connected and completely in love with your kid(s), and he would love the opportunity to shine as a father. Not as a babysitter.

Does your husband or partner ‘babysit’ your kids?

Parenting

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Nov 14

Bath Time!

by Lin

1 week old Maya in the tub with me

Maya has always loved water. Even when I was pregnant and I was having two baths a day to ease my aching hips, little fetal Maya would kick up a storm as soon as I relaxed into the tub. When she was a newborn, she would cry because she hated the sponge baths in the little baby tub and really preferred to be submerged as much as possible. Baths in the big tub with me were a hit!

As she grew, she started to like the baby tub because it meant she could kick water all over the floor. We still only bathed her sporadically… I really think that people over-bathe babies and dry out their skin. As long as you are keeping their diaper area very clean and checking for crud in their armpits and neck folds, you shouldn’t need to give them daily baths. Maya would have baths once a week.

But then… we started solid foods and the whole game changed. Now the kid can use a bath 3 times a day (no, we don’t bathe her that much!). My new “favourite” thing is how she rubs everything she eats through her hair first. You’d be surprised how well banana works as a styling gel! And pre-chewed food always seems to find its way into her belly button or diaper or even into her socks.

Now I will say that she never wears a bib. She just hates them and focuses on ripping off the bib instead of eating her dinner. So Maya spends most meals au naturel, which allows for her to practice eating and body painting with tomato sauce all at once. What a rich learning experience! (You can see a picture of her mealtime art at the bottom of this post)

2.5 month old Maya in the little bath

Around this time, she started taking baths in the laundry room sink because as lovely as the deep tub was when I was pregnant, it broke my back to crouch over it. Not to mention how hard it was to wrangle a soapy, wiggling toddler in all that water!

So far, the laundry room sink baths are going really well and I’ll probably keep those up until she outgrows it.

Plus the kid LOVES her baths. She goes crazy as soon as you dip her feet in the water, splashing and giggling and squealing. She loves to lean back and have her hair washed, and even thinks its funny when she nearly drowns because she kicked up a sink-sized tidal wave that walloped her in the face. She’s just as enthusiastic about swimming in the pool, and in the ocean. Simon is excited because that means he’ll have a surfing buddy in a few years! And I’m glad that she is so comfortable, joyful and confident in the water. What a little fishy!

Yay! It's bath time!

Now I think Maya has a natural love of water, but here are some ideas to help your baby love the bath:

- Lie out everything you need before starting the bath. Make sure it’s all within reaching distance. NEVER leave your child alone in the bath, even for a second.

- Try taking very little babies in the tub with you. Your body will keep them warm and the closeness is soothing for them. Ask your partner to help out by sitting nearby (it can be hard to juggle a baby and soap in a deep bath!), and you can hand him/her the wet baby to dry off when you are done.

Getting her hair washed... happy girl!

- Dunk a washcloth in the warm bath water and put on baby’s chest to keep them warm in the little tub (see the picture of Maya, above) Re-dunk the cloth often to keep it warm!

- Save washing hair until the very end of the bath. Water on the face and a cold, wet head can really make a happy bath time deteriorate fast!

- Bath toys are a great distraction for older babies! Bring some empty containers into the tub and pour water back and forth between them.

- Leave some time at the end of the bath for baby to play and explore the water. Teach him to splash!

- Try to get baby out of the bath before she melts down. Leaving the bath on a good note will make her look forward to it next time!

- Dry baby off as thoroughly and quickly as possible. Cold babies get really grumpy.

- Remember to have a positive attitude! Babies are very perceptive and will pick up on your stress or frustration. If you’re still feeling uptight… have your partner wash the baby, and you go have a relaxing bubble-bath of your own!

 

Peekaboo!

Do your kids love their baths? What are your favourite bath time tips?

Parenting Tips

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Nov 4

My Favourite Sleep Tips

by Lin

Is your baby or toddler not sleeping? I’ll bet you’re willing to try anything to get that kid to sleep so you can regain some of your sanity. I’ve been there too. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking and completely consumes you.

Here are a few of my favourite tips to help your child sleep better:

1. Offer a ‘lovey’

Maya has a special blanket that stays in her crib. She only gets it at naptime and bedtime, but she’s always so glad to see that blanket! You can help your child attach to a special object like a blanket or soft toy by holding it close to you when you rock your baby or nurse her to sleep. Guide the child’s hands to the object or snuggle it under his chin. And then tuck it in next to him in the crib. You might also want to pick up two of the same lovey and rotate them so you always have a clean one (they get pretty yucky from all that baby loving), and you have a spare in case one goes missing. A special lovey makes baby’s bed feel like a safe place, and it really does seem to keep them company during sleeptime.

2. Establish a routine

In our house, the routine is brush teeth, potty, diaper, pajamas, close blinds, white noise, lullaby, story, nursing/rocking, into bed. A modified version of that routine is kept at naptimes too. It makes me feel pretty good to see Maya start yawning as soon as I close the blinds, and by the time we get to the story, she’s ready to snuggle and relax. She will often stop nursing and reach for her crib! No matter what routine you choose, make sure that each step gets baby closer to his bed. So don’t put him in his pajamas in his room, then run out to brush his teeth, then take him downstairs to get his book. It tends to wake them up and mixes up your calming routine.

3. Set the scene

Picture a the kind of bedroom you would like to sleep in: calm, quiet, dark, warm, soft. Sounds cozy, doesn’t it? Can you make any changes to your baby’s bedroom or sleeping area that would make it easier for her to sleep there? Room darkening shades are pretty much the best invention ever. We use them at naptime and at night. I also suggest a white noise machine. It has a calming effect on babies, drowns out household noises, and cues the baby that it’s time to sleep now. We take ours when travelling and use it in the car. Works like a charm! Keep in mind that if your child is too warm or too cold, they may not sleep well. Sleep sacks, like my favourite from Wee Urban, are wearable blankets that keep baby cozy without restricting movement. And depending on your child’s sensitivity, tags or scratchy fabrics may also affect sleep.

4. Protect your child’s sleep

Yep, you might get called a ‘spoil sport’ or ‘no fun’, but once you have that kid sleeping… don’t mess with it! Even if your friends don’t understand why your family can’t come to a late dinner, or grandparents want to keep her awake through her nap, YOU know that your baby copes best when she’s getting enough sleep. Everything is harder when you’re tired. This is true for little ones and us parents! Set your baby up to succeed by making sure he’s getting enough sleep. And maybe grab a nap yourself.

5. Know your child & trust yourself

You know your child best! If a sleep expert or a friend suggests that you use a certain sleep technique that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsure, you don’t have to do it. I would recommend that you get as much information as you can, but keep in mind that the people who write sleep books have never put your baby to bed. If you are unhappy with your baby or toddler’s sleep, there are lots of resources out there. However you choose to tackle sleep with your child, trust that you’ve made the best choice for your family right now.

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What are your favourite sleep tips?

Parenting Sleep

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Oct 23

The Highly Sensitive Motherhood

by Lin

I’ve always been “too sensitive”. I remember screaming as a child when raindrops touched me, and my mom would say “you’re not going to melt!”, which made me scream more because now I was afraid of melting! I had one taste of slightly sour milk in first grade, and didn’t touch the stuff again for years. One time I cried for an hour because my brother ate the last piece of melon. As a teenager, I avoided loud parties, choosing instead to spend time with one or two close friends. Between university classes I would find a quiet corner and listen to music to help balance myself. All of these situations made me feel overwhelmed, overstimulated and, at worst, panicked.

A few things have changed for me recently. First, I came across research by Dr. Elaine Aron on Highly Sensitive People (HSP) that finally categorized my anxiety into something I could understand and better manage. Plus it explained my sensitivity to noise, smells, tastes, textures, and more. What a relief! Dr. Aron has found that 15-20% of the population is HSP. Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Is your child? Please check out her site, and try out the Self Test if you think you might be an HSP too. Her book and workbook are also outstanding!

And even more life-changingly (that’s a word now), my daughter was born.

Actually things started to change before she was born and I used the HypnoBabies mp3s. The guided meditations helped me to feel calm and centered. I was able to remember the calm imagery and deep breathing when I started to feel panicky and overwhelmed. My anxiety started to wane, and the depression all but disappeared. Of course that healthy dose of maternal hormones helped too!

Things have been even better since Maya was born last October. Being highly sensitive means that I am able to pick up on her cues and attend to her before she melts down. And in taking care of her, I’ve been more inclined to take care of myself. I love being able to excuse myself at parties or events to nurse Maya in a quiet room. It helps me from getting overwhelmed, prevents her from getting overstimulated, and gives us time to bond. Lovely!

What I thought to be a major personality flaw has actually been a huge benefit to parenting. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better!

How did your past and character traits affect how you parent your kid(s)? Can you see any of your traits in them?

Parenting

1 Comment »
Oct 18

Article To Read: Notes from a Dragon Mom

by Lin

I recently read this wonderful op-ed article in the New York Times: Notes from a Dragon Mom by Emily Rapp. Please pop over and have a read, if you haven’t already.

Most people will never experience the pain of parenting a terminally ill child. But Emily’s article is not just about her experience, it’s about all parents and children, and our constant reaching for the future. What stuck with me:

“And there’s this: parents who, particularly in this country, are expected to be superhuman, to raise children who outpace all their peers, don’t want to see what we see. The long truth about their children, about themselves: that none of it is forever.”

So slow down. Enjoy your pregnancy without counting down to your due date. Snuggle next to that newborn while he still sleeps most of the day. Stop and let your toddler examine every blade of grass. And really listen to what your child, or teenager, is saying. Our persistent push toward the future threatens these fleeting moments.

–

What did you think of Notes from a Dragon Mom? Will it change how your parent your child today?

 

Article Review Parenting

2 Comments »
Oct 14

Expecting…

by Lin

A few days ago I received an excited phone call from one of my oldest friends. I could hear him smiling as he told me that his wife was expecting, and that their first baby will be born mid-May. She’s struggling with awful morning sickness (if it lasts all day, it’s time for a better term), and they had to cut their vacation in Europe short. But they’re excited… and nervous.

“I need to talk to you about cloth diapers. And potty training. And what’s the difference between a doula and a midwife? Do we need both?”

He had so many questions! And like most experienced parents (hahahah!) I had lots of ideas to share with him. I wanted to tell my friend absolutely everything I’ve learned over the last year as Maya grew from a wrinkly infant to a curious toddler. I wanted to prevent my friends from suffering the same sleepless nights, the fears, the frustrations.

But I stopped myself. Because no matter how much information you get from friends, family, books, websites or experts, only you can teach yourself to be a parent. You will be moved to tears when you hold that tiny creature for the first time. And you will wonder if you maybe hate your child because they won’t stop screaming for some unknown reason… a feeling instantly forgotten when they fall sweetly asleep on your shoulder. And you will poke your child in the eye with the carseat buckle while trying to get them home in time for a nap, and you will instantly think about how hard her life will be, being blind in one eye thanks to her stupid, impatient mother, as she screams in your ear. Or maybe that’s just me (and her eye is totally fine, by the way).

And so. I love to share ideas, stories, theories, and what has worked for our family. We are all trying to do the best for our children, based on the information that we have. I will share what has been useful for me, in the hopes that it will make your parenting a little bit easier. We are all walking our own path, but the terrain is fairly similar.

Cheers to my friends who are just beginning to realize what parenthood has in store. May it be the most challenging and rewarding journey you have ever taken.

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What did you want to know when you found out you were expecting? Did you get any great tips from friends and family? Please share!

Parenting

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