Yesterday, Simon and I watched a video of Maya taken nearly a year ago. There she is, 5 months old carefully studying the toys on the edge of the exersaucer. She furrows her brow and sucks noisily on her hand. Watching this video, I couldn’t help but shout “Oh! Let’s have another one!” Now I do have a textbook case of the Baby Rabies, but I really wished I could jump through the screen and snuggle that tiny version of Maya. So maybe it’s not so much that I want another baby to replace the one that grows a little each day, but I want THAT baby again.
I do get a little stabby when people keep telling me things like “Oh, enjoy her while she’s that age!” or “They grow so quickly!” because I know. I can see her growing out of her clothes. I watch her learn new words and new signs each day. Her personality is blooming and she loves to make Simon and I laugh. She fits puzzle pieces into their spots with hands that she could barely control a year ago.
Maya and I had a great Saturday morning together. We got up early while Simon slept in. She had her breakfast and worked on perfecting the sign for “toast” as she shoved peanut-buttery pieces of it into her mouth. Then we played in the still-messy-from-yesterday playroom, and she brought me book after book. I snuggled her in my lap, put my nose in her hair and read to her. Slowly. Because the only baby I have is the one in my arms. And as much as I would like to hold 5 month old Maya again, I can hold 15 month old Maya right now. And I will hold her extra tight.